Monday, June 8, 2009

Bikini, Tankini, or Twinkini?

Sooooo, summer's here. Are you bikini ready?

Ha! That was SUCH a rhetorical question. I haven't worn a bikini since I was about five. After three kids, I will never be bikini ready no matter how hard I worked out.

But, in a desperate attempt to even be tankini-ready, I've started a new workout program this week. My sweet friend, Corrie, is majoring in Exercise Science in college and she's offered up her services to some of her mom's friends.

Why anyone would want to begin their career on a group of over-40-something moms who have no chance in you-know-where of ever becoming bikini ready is beyond me. I mean, she would have a lot more success with a group of her peers who just basically want to get a little toned and ready for the beach.

I guess Corrie likes a challenge. Whatever.

So we started out by walking around the indoor track a couple of times, just to loosen up a bit, while we told "scar stories." At first I thought, "Oh no, what emotional scar can I even begin to talk about without crying?" I sure didn't sign up for that! But I was glad to hear that she meant physical scars. It was horrifying enough to confess to my new friends that I have a one-and-a-half-inch surgery scar coming out of my belly-button, but I'm sure the group would rather hear about that than my deep-seated attachment to Twinkies.

Thank God she didn't make us state our goals for the session. When Corrie called the other night to talk through why I wanted to work out with a trainer I think I told her that I'd like to work off enough calories to be able to eat a Twinkie every day. Or maybe I said something about my flabby arms. I don't know.

Later this week I have to get in a "bod pod" which will measure my percentage of body fat. You stand in a room in a swim suit and air blows all over your body to determine how much flab you have on you. Fun, huh?

All I can say about that is . . . nothing. I'm too appalled to even think about standing in a room in my swim suit with air blowing all over me. To measure how much fat I have on me.

I could just save them a lot of time and effort and just tell them . . . it's a lot.

I think the bod pod thing is happening on Wednesday. I'm definitely going to need a whole box of Twinkies when that's over.


  1. No way am I bikini ready...I'm really not even bathing suit ready! I can't even imagine getting in that bod pod thing...that sounds like the scariest thing ever! Good luck! I will be interested in hearing about your training, though. A friend of mine and I started walking about nine months ago. We walk 2-4 times a week, but my dr. says I need to do more..ugh!

  2. A bod pod huh? What will they think of next? I'm with you... let's just write down under percentage of fat "too much" and get to work. One of my best friends is an aerobics instructor. She's 52 and I think she still has like 10% body fat... which on a woman is almost unheard of. We're a real pair. I would call in sick on bod pod day. LOL.

  3. Now there's an idea, Beverly! Calling in sick on bod pod day . . . hmmmmm. :)

  4. I just had a hilarious mental know how when skydivers ou jump out of an airplane and they always have those videos of all their skin blowing backwards at weird angles? That's how I envisioned my session in a bod pod would be :0)

    Wanted to stop by and say Hi and to thank you for all your encouragement these last few weeks! I have really appreciated your words and your prayers.

    Have a blessed day!

  5. Oh my Shelly, you are so brave - that bod pod sounds horrifying to me!

  6. SHELLY! I saw pictures of you from your CA trip and you look fantastic!!! I dream about looking as good as you do. But like everyone else the bod pod sounds awful. Kind of like the 360 mirror on What Not To Wear. Just had a memory of being in the dressing room with my Katrina when she was little. She asked me, "Mommy, why is your bottom so big and mine is so little?" Just what I wanted to hear at that point in life. Ha! Good luck with the experiment. I'll be cheering you on from here.

  7. This post cracked me up. I haven't worn a bikini since I was 5 either, but I wish your friend Corrie could help me out. I've just started doing the Shred to try to get in shape. Tankinis all the way, for me!

  8. Twinkie attachment? - you make me laugh!