I feel like I'm living in the twilight zone this week. Everything is jumbled and different and strange and confused. Nothing looks like it's supposed to look. It's like I'm living in a black and white world that is supposed to be in color.
See, all three of my girls are away this week, scattered across the country from Wyoming, to the inner city of Chicago, to northern Wisconsin. I'm sure they're all having wonderful times doing what they're doing, but this week is really challenging me to put my money where my mouth is. I say I trust God with my kids, but do I really?
On Sunday afternoon, the first real backpacking day for Kate who's out in the Tetons with her youth group, our phone rang, and it was one of the leaders. Kate was having trouble breathing, experiencing asthma-like symptoms . . . except she doesn't HAVE asthma . . . and would it be O.K. to use another girl's inhaler? Ah, yes.
I found I had to really pray to steady myself, to go back to what I know about God in order to not worry too much about Kate. We haven't heard back from the leader, so I'm assuming Kate is fine. They won't have contact with the "real" world until Thursday night.
On Sunday, Abby left for a missions trip in the city. Before she left I made the mistake of looking up their location on Mapquest and found that she is deep in the heart of the "bad" part of town. Gulp.
So I've been praying--not just for her safety and protection (that goes without saying)--but moreso for my heart. Do I truly believe that missions projects like this are worth it to teach my daughter some important things? If so, I need to let her go, and I need to trust that God will take care of her. No matter what.
Yesterday, Maggie left for camp. The same camp where there are lots and lots of horses to which Maggie is highly allergic. Last year she was pretty much blowing her nose and puffing on her inhaler for the entire two weeks. But she insisted on going back.
And I have to ask myself, are the things she'll be doing and the lessons she'll be learning more important than her not feeling all that great during the time she's there? Most definitely. And she wasn't at all worried about her allergies. It was worth it to Maggie to go back to camp, so I need to trust that God will work out her situation too.
Here's what I know about this week. I have absolutely no control over what happens to my kids. Zero. I can't run out to Wyoming and check to make sure Kate is breathing. I can't put a fence around Abby and tell her to stay within the boundaries. I can't hold Maggie's hand if she gets sick. I just have to trust that they are all O.K.
But the funny thing is, if I really stop to think about it, every day of their lives is SO not determined by me, and I have little control over much of any of it. I have much less power than I like to think I have, that's for sure.
So, in this funny Twilight Zone of a week, things may be out of my control, stuff could happen--kids could get hurt or sick or worse--but I choose to believe that they are in God's control. And there is no better place for them to be.