Monday, January 4, 2010

It's All About Grace

So how quickly into the New Year did it take for me to feel like a complete loser of a mom?

Oh, about two hours.

Just a couple of hours into the year I realized I had made a huge mistake. Huge. In that I will be missing an important event that’s coming up in the life of one of my girls because I forgot to write it down on my calendar. Or because I just plain didn’t know when it was.

Needless to say, there was some miscommunication involved. And I made other plans. Plans that involve non-refundable plane tickets.

For both me and her dad.

(If it were just me missing this event, that would be one thing, but for both of us to miss it just feels . . . ugh.)

So I’ve been kicking myself about it for a few days, really feeling badly about what ultimately is my mistake. And I’ve been wondering why.

Why do I never write anything down in my calendar? Why do I make plans without consulting my kids first? Why am I so scatterbrained sometimes?

I’d like to blame hormones or the busyness of life or any number of other factors, but basically I haven’t paid attention enough. I let myself get distracted by responsibilities or the blog or just what we’re having for dinner. And that all just makes me feel like a loser. Like I don’t have it together enough to write down a simple event on a simple calendar.

Sometimes real life is just tough. It takes communication among family members. It requires paying attention when that last little thread of attention you have left would rather be focused on The Food Network than on your kids. It means admitting mistakes and asking forgiveness.

But mostly, real life requires grace. Grace to not see yourself as the loser mom you feel like and to see the thousands of other things you did well in the past year. Grace to be the husband who pointed that out to me. Grace to be the daughter who shrugs her shoulders and says, “It’s o.k., Mom.”

And grace to stop asking why.

Shelly

12 comments:

  1. Oh, Shelly, that's hard. And even harder is extending that grace to yourself! I know when I let people down, I spend a lot of time beating myself up over it. But nobody is perfect, and so I'm thankful that other people are more gracious than me WITH me!

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  2. Thank you dear friend - I needed to read this today!

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  3. Awwwwww...so sad.

    Here is one of my favorite I-am-a-loser verses:

    "Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy. (and sometimes my worst enemy is my own self!)
    Though I fall I will rise:
    Though I dwell in darkness, the Lord is a light for me." Micah 7:8

    Or...as my West Point son is learning:
    "Fail and continue"
    Life is moving on and so are we...we gotta keep going and grace is our fuel!

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  4. At least you have raised your other daughters to be such awesome sisters. That really impressed me when you told me about this last night. I am sure that will help.
    -H

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  5. Oh, Hillcrest, I will remember that phrase: "Fail and Continue." Thanks!

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  6. OH, my friend, do I know well what you are going through.

    My weekend in Houston for the Siesta Scripture Memory, just happens to start on the day that my husband will be flying in from India! They changed his trip dates last minute and so he will get home several days before me.

    Grace indeed. I need it every day.


    Things will work out,

    Beth

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  7. As parents I think we get a feel for the grace that God gives us...and it's truly amazing!

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  8. ...and Grace to simply forgive yourself. I'm always thinkin' I'll remember this....but our lives are filled to the max and we do.

    Have a wonderfully blessed day!!!

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  9. If I can help out, let me know.

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  10. I am just so happy to hear that I'm not the only one that does these things that I'm having a hard time commiserating. ;-) And yes, thank HEAVENS for grace.

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  11. I think it was Bob Carlisle (the Butterfly Kisses guy) who had a song that said "I fall down, I get up".

    Same concept. Grace.

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  12. Among the many things I am continually grateful for, one would have to be the resiliency (and forgiveness) of my kids.

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