Monday, May 10, 2010

Could we just hit "rewind" and do the weekend over again?

Mother's Day was great. I got wonderful, heartfelt cards from my girls and a wonderful gift *coughiphonecough* from my husband. We went out for brunch at our favorite restaurant, and generally enjoyed the day.

PLUS, H finally had her baby after, like, 99 hours of labor, so I went to visit her in the hospital. That crazy little girl must have been all warm and cozy in her mama's belly because she DID so NOT want to come out of there. But, alas, God knew she couldn't stay in there forever and allowed her to be born into this world on Saturday. So exciting!

No, the real reason I would like to rewind this weekend is because I did so many stupid things over the course of just 48 hours. It's amazing how stupid I can be sometimes.

(Just as an aside . . . when our kids were little--well, even now that they're big--we did not, and we still do not, allow them to use the word "stupid." I don't like that word, and I think it's kind of ugly when it comes out of a kid's mouth, but in this instance it fits.)

Here's a quick "for instance." I stopped at a Walgreens near the hospital to pick up a little Ben and Jerry's for H because, while having a good friend come visit you after you've had a baby is nice, there is NOTHING like a little visit from Ben and Jerry after you've had a baby. So I'm going out to my car, ice cream in hand, and I click the door unlock thingy while I'm walking. I reach for the handle of my car and notice that a woman is walking toward me. As I open the door to the car, I can see clearly that I have opened the wrong door to the wrong car. Her car.

Hello, Embarrassment. Want to walk me to the right car?

But in my own defense, I have to say that at least the car door I opened was to the same kind of car as mine. And I'm sure it won't be the last time that happens because pretty much every one in the world--at least the world I inhabit--owns a Honda Odyssey. Oh well.

That was embarrassing, but I got one better. Hold on because you're gonna love this one.

On Saturday night, B and I attended a black tie gala in Chicago, a fundraising event for the Alzheimer's Association. We were invited by B's boss, who hosted our table and who was being honored that night. I was the lucky girl who got to sit next to the boss-slash-guest-of-honor.

The theme of the evening, I have to say, was a little weird for me. It was a Cirque du Soleil theme, so there were all these acrobats in extravagant costumes and heavy make-up walking all over the place. They even did their show for us while we were eating.

I didn't eat much.

Cirque du Soleil kind of freaks me out. What with all the massive head coverings and the lack of any other type of covering. And don't even get me started on the contortions. Oh my. The show kind of reminded me of the Chinese acrobats we took the girls to last year, except without the Chinese aspect to it.

Anyway, on our table were these little cellophane packages, tied up with an orange ribbon. Very cute. They looked like little hostess gifts, one for everyone, and I love me some hostess gift so I was anxious to see what was inside of it. So there we sat, B's boss and I, discussing these beribboned packages, wondering together what might be inside, when he says, "Let's open them."

We were like little kids, breaking the rules and opening our gifts before we were supposed to. And I quickly thought back to all those Christmases when I was a kid and how (sorry, Mom) I would rummage through my mom's hiding places and find my gifts ahead of time. And just like that my mouth started going. And going. And going.

What ensued was like something out of a movie, where suddenly everything starts going in slow motion. It's like a nightmare, but you just can't stop it from happening. Well, that was the conversation that happened between me and B's boss as we surreptitiously opened our little packages.

Me: So, were you the kid who opened his Christmas presents early and knew everything you were getting ahead of time?

Him (looking askance at me then shaking his head slightly): Ahhhhh, no.

For a brief second I wondered what was going on, but the second was definitely brief because all of a sudden I remembered that B's boss is Jewish. Gulp.

Backtrack? Oh, yes, I tried. "I mean, Hanukkah gifts. Did you ever open your Hanukkah gifts early?"

Still nothing. "Ah, nope."

By then it was too late. The slow motion tape was running and I was the star of the show. There was no escaping it, no running away from the table, no getting out of there. I was stuck next to this really nice man who just happens to be Jewish who was at that moment thinking about how he could get rid of my husband so he wouldn't have to sit next to me at another fundraising event.

Later, when I told B about my blunder, he just laughed and said, "Well, I hope I still have a job on Monday morning!" He was kidding.

I think.

So, did you say anything stupid this weekend? Come on, I really want to know!



  1. Thanks for sharing your blunders, Shelly. You made my morning : ). My worst blunder is so embarrassing that I can't write it in your blog comments. It wasn't this weekend, but I promise if you ask nicely, I'll tell you some time in person.

    I feel the same way about Cirque de Soleil. I don't get it. It creeps me out. Kind of like a car wreck, though. You just can't help but stare.

    We don't say stupid at our house either : ). But sometimes it's the only word that works. I'll use foolish sometimes with the kids. That was a really foolish thing to do (or say). Or, I did something really foolish today. That works!

    And yes, everybody and their mother drive Odysseys, don't they? What's up with that? We own one and are in the market again.

    Finally, your iPhone is one technology that I know much about. Need any fun tips? Just ask!

  2. Thanks for the great comment, Jennifer! I will definitely be talking to you about the phone . . . and your most embarrassing moment. :)

  3. Well, I'm sure I have said many stupid things in my life. But there was this one time when I was 10 or 11 on a family vacation and I said one of the meanest things to another little boy who was also swimming at the motel pool. I still feel horrible about it to this day. I would rather not repeat what I said, but next time you see me you can ask if you are interested. Let me just say that I hope I did not scar him for life.

  4. Jennifer,
    I really want to hear your moment! lol

    I've had a few doozies myself.

    One where I insisted on being terribly overdressed for a dinner with a boy's family - I was so, so into him. His family was so classy and that just makes the memory so much worse. I can barely stand to remember it. And the shoes... have mercy! They were, looking back, street walker shoes. They were not the "strappy sandals" look I was going for.

  5. Now that wasn't nearly as bad as you made it out to be. The boss part. Or the car part either. Easy for me to see since I wasn't there. To share one of mine, I have to scan so many. Really. Most of them involve falling. Over my own big feet.