I’ve been trying to figure out why I haven’t felt like writing lately. It’s not like every single day I don’t say to myself, Hey, You. It’s been a while. Why aren’t you writing?
I could blame it on the lack of sunshine. My goodness, we haven’t seen Mr. Golden Sun since Hurricane Sandy hit the East Coast. Not that the hurricane would have anything to do with the sun shining here, but it seems like that’s about the last time we saw the sun.
I could blame it on my classes. As I sit here, forty papers are staring at me, just begging to be graded. And when I have grading to do, I feel like I really shouldn’t do anything else (like read a book or write) until that job is done.
(Except, of course, watch T.V. It seems like T.V. watching equals acceptable procrastination in my book.)
I could blame it on houseguests, but really, having houseguests is fun for me. And besides, they left a week and a half ago. You’d think I could get my act together.
I could blame it on the construction we’ve had going on, but to be honest, the construction guys didn’t distract me one bit. The mess did, but the workers didn’t bother me. I could have been writing.
In fact, I should have been writing, and yet, I haven’t been. Why?
I’ve been pondering this all week.
Today, however, I think I realized something, and I think writing about it might help get me over this writer’s block.
It’s called conflict.
I avoid it, usually.
But lately it’s been hard to avoid the conflict in my life. It’s all around me—stuff at work, stuff at church, and then there was this thing about an election that has everyone slinging all sorts of ugly all over the place.
I guess I’m tired of the ugly.
And when the ugly comes out, I tend to withdraw, to not even know what’s wrong with me, not to mention what to say about it. I retreat into my own head, thinking, mulling, grousing over all that’s going wrong (including the lack of sunshine!) instead of praying, submitting, surrendering as I should.
The ugly probably isn’t going to go away anytime soon. We’re dealing with human beings here—human beings who want their way, who want to win at any cost, and who feel threatened when their way of seeing things is challenged. Thus, the ugly.
So, in order to get back into writing, I have two choices to make. I can choose to continue the downward spiral, participating in the ugliness around me and ignoring all the goodness in every day. OR, I can choose to ignore the ugly and participate in my life, including writing, with a spirit of thankfulness.
Seeing as Thanksgiving is right around the corner, I think I’ll choose the latter.