Letters to My Daughters: Choose Joy (Part 1)

Dear Daughters,

Remember this? “Make a good choice, my friend!”

It rings in our ears, makes us smile, and sometimes even makes us roll our eyes. This phrase became a joke in our family, even though it was no joke to the teacher who repeated this phrase over and over again in elementary school.

But, you know, she was right.

The choices you make today will affect how well you live later on. 

Today I want to talk to you about a choice you can make right now that will affect your relationships both today and in the future. This choice will help guide the way you live both now and tomorrow and it will affect every relationship you have.

Choose joy.

Yes, this might sound like a cliché, but I tell you as one who did not make this choice for many years: choosing joy brings life to you and to those around you. A deep, abiding joy will serve you well in life—I encourage you to find it.

First, though, I want to warn you about three joy-suckers that will kill your soul. Watch out for them. Flee any temptation to give in to them. Your life will not be rich and full if you allow these joy-suckers into it.

What are they? Comparison. Criticism. Contempt.

Comparison. This one sucks the joy out of you because it makes you feel less-than. When we look around at what others have or what others have achieved, thinking that we should have the same or better, we assume God has slighted us, dealt us a bad hand.

This is a lie because the Bible tells us that we are His beloved and that He watches over our coming and our going. God also asks us to trust Him to lead us. Why should we want what others have when God has our own best interest at heart?

Criticism. This one sucks the joy out of those around us, hurting our own hearts in the process. It’s a subtle form of comparison that, rather than making us feel less-than, makes us feel superior to others.

This is a lie, too, because the Bible says that no one is perfect, that all have sinned. When we criticize, we act as judge—a job we have not been given.

Contempt. Contempt can be a two-pronged problem because we can view either ourselves or others in this way. Contempt says that God made a mistake when He made us or those around us.

What a lie! God says that His creation was “good” and that His people are His delight.

So how do we find joy?

Joy comes, I think, when, rather than compare ourselves to others, we join with others, seeing the good in them, seeing potential for a bigger life and a greater adventure.

Joy comes when, instead of criticizing, we choose to build someone up in love.

Joy comes when, instead of treating someone with contempt, we choose to treat them with kindness and that kindness is returned.

Joy comes when, rather than sneering with contempt at what God has made, we choose to rejoice in His blessings. Even something as simple as the weather (which I do tend to complain about sometimes) can be a good indication of where we are with God. Are we saying, “This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it”? Or are we grumbling and complaining, when all that really does is tell God that we think he could do better?

My dear girls, today I encourage you to choose the path of joy because this is a path that leads to contentment and peace. Trust me, your life will be richer and the lives of those around you will be blessed if you choose joy over comparison, criticism, or contempt.

I love you,

Mom

P.S. I have more to say about joy, but I’ll share it later this week. 

Photo credit

Grace at 2:15

She steps toward the car and reaches for the door, sunlight splashing over her shoulders and across her wavy brown hair. I look, smile, then look again.

She’s changed.

School’s almost over for this one, and I see, in that brief moment, a full year’s growth.

Her face, more mature (goodbye, babyface!).

Her legs, definitely longer.

Her hair, styled rather than simply cut.

Her clothes, carefully selected, reflecting her sense of herself.

Her gait, assured.

All of this just in a quick glimpse as she ducks her head into the car.

She smiles from outside the window--a slight upturn of her lips, that quick connection that says, “I’m so glad you’re here.”

(O.K., if I’m really honest, she was glad I was there to drive her home so she didn’t have to walk. But still, she seemed glad to see me.)

It was a smile that said, “I’m good.”

I noticed today that my baby girl is growing up. Oh, sure, I notice it most days, especially as she very nearly reaches my height, but today it took me by surprise.

The end of the school year makes you take note of the changes, doesn’t it? With all three back under my roof for the summer, I’ve been thinking a lot about the past year and how it has changed them. Changed us.

It’s been a good year. Not without its challenges, this year, but good, overall.

And while the physical changes aren’t as pronounced in my girls anymore (I still remember the years of amazing stringbean growth, the too-short pants), the character changes are still coming, probably faster than ever before. Lifetime prayers for my girls are being answered.

And I like what I see.

I see confidence.

I see intelligence.

I see curiosity.

I see humor.

I see wisdom.

I see discernment.

I see girls who are ready to follow wherever He leads and to lead wherever He wants.

I see young women who are growing, changing, accepting, even though it’s painful at times.

I look, I see, and I wonder, How did we get here?

Only grace.

Good Reads

In honor of Mother's Day today, I've collected a few of my favorite parenting posts as of late. Enjoy!

Parenting is Kingdom Work || (in)Courage. Such a good reminder!

Intention in the Morning || Clover Lane. Get your head ready for the game. Every day.

Weary of Sin || The Good Enough Mom. I could so relate to what my friend, Nancy, wrote here.

The Gift of a Long Life || A Deeper Story. This really spoke to me, and it might speak to you if you're (ahem) older.

It Matters Whom You Marry || The Christian Pundit. And if you're younger, or if you haven't yet married, this is absolutely wonderful. To the young women I know: read this.

20 Things Every Parent Should Hear || Five Kids is a Lot of Kids. Funny, wise, and true. One of those posts I wish I had written.

Parents: A Word About Instagram || Life as of Late. Someone posted this on Facebook, and it was so good I thought I should share.

OK, this last one isn't about parenting, but since today is graduation at the place where I teach, I thought I would also post this one for the grads. Some great advice here, even if you've already graduated.

12 Things to Do After Graduating || The Gospel Coalition blog.

Happy reading!!

Just a Day

Today was, well, just a day. 

I walked with a friend for an hour this morning. (Therapy, first thing.)

I did too many loads of laundry to count. 

I cleaned my oven. (You know you want my life.)

I baked cookies for Teacher Appreciation Day tomorrow. 

I ran Julia all over Kingdom Come. 

I loaned my van to a college student friend so he could move some furniture.

And I sat glued to the T.V. for the Benghazi hearings. (C-SPAN3 = Channel 105.)

It was just an ordinary day. Only it wasn’t so ordinary because it was MY day. A day I kind of liked. A day that made me happy and brought me joy (quite possibly a direct result of knowing we would be eating leftover hot dogs for dinner).

Yesterday Julia got into the car after school and, after I asked how her day was (this was at 4:20 in the afternoon, after a full day of school and play practice, while on her way to driver's ed--the poor girl hadn't been home since 7:00 a.m.!), replied, “Great! I had a great day.” 

So I followed up: “What made it a great day?” 

And she said (this is the part I love), “I don’t know. It was just a day, but I’m happy.”

Just a day, but I’m happy.

What if we took all the average, ordinary, cleaning-my-oven kind of days and turned them great only by changing our outlook? 

What would happen then?

Monday Musings

Borrowing the format from my friend, Lisa, because I like it so much. Thanks, Lisa! 

***

Sitting . . . in my comfy writing chair.

Drinking . . . water, in hopes that it might kick the dull ache in my head off to the curb.

Feeling . . . physically tired from a busy weekend, but excited to be finished with classes and officially on summer break!

Cooking . . . salads and burgers and dessert for a group of Kate's friends who are coming over tonight. One last bash before they leave for the summer (although some are sticking around this year). I really love these kids and will be really sad next year when it's time for them to graduate.

Reflecting . . . on the past semester. Things I could have done differently, some things I could have done better, and some I'm glad I did the way I did. Teaching, I have found, is a constant evaluation of myself and my students.

Looking ahead . . . to summer. Oh boy, is it going to be a busy one! All three of my girls will be home for most of the summer, which is awesome to me because it very well could be the last time all five of us live under the same roof. Not going to cry about that . . . yet.

Devising . . . a scheme to fix up the town home that B and I bought this year as a rental for college students. My summer involves painting, fixing up, decorating (on a very limited budget!), and furnishing (again, the budget) that place. If you need to get ahold of me this summer, chances are very good I'll be over there.

Enjoying . . . warmer temperatures. Finally!

Getting excited about . . . a trip I'm taking with my mom and sisters this summer. More on that later. (Just to keep you in suspense.)

Thanking God . . . for the way He has grown and changed all of us this year. The school year was not without its challenges for each one of us, but God has been so faithful to use each experience as a way to draw us to Him. It really is a wonder that He loves us so much.

Musing . . . about the blog . . . again. Some changes are coming that I'm really excited about! Hoping that will motivate me to keep going. More on that soon.

So tell me, what's on YOUR mind?